Katy Perry Goes to Space, Nation Now Taking Donations to Launch AOC and Jasmine Crockett
(Fake News Weekly - MichaelHalcomb.Live)
WEST TEXAS - In a bold leap for womankind and an even bolder leap for Instagram engagement, Katy Perry joined Blue Origin’s kinda historic all-female space mission this week, traveling 62 miles up to touch the edge of space, and also the edge of reason. The flight lasted 11 minutes, which is exactly how long it took Twitter to split into warring factions of “Yas Queen” and “Tax the Rockets.” Perry sang “What a Wonderful World” while floating next to a daisy, because apparently the universe wasn’t cringey enough already. Oprah endorsed it, Monse designed a custom space suit, and somewhere, a progressive PhD in astrophysics wept into her unsponsored lab coat.
Inspired by the groundbreaking achievement of rich women doing zero-gravity somersaults, America is now considering crowd-funding seats for AOC and Jasmine Crockett, less for empowerment, more for peace and quiet here on Earth. Supporters praised the mission’s symbolism, while critics noted it cost millions to replicate what rollercoasters and helium already do for free. The playlist included Bowie and Minaj, because nothing screams scientific advancement like “Super Bass” at 3,500 mph. At press time, NASA was studying how the flight impacted Perry’s ability to write songs about fireworks, love, and launching herself even further from reality.